No one is KISSing these days

warning: rant to follow, which may or may not be caused by the fact that I had to pick up my son's kindergarten registration papers this week


KISS stands for Keep It Simple, Stupid. I think I learned that approach to delivering information while I was teaching school years ago, and by golly, it continues to be more useful every day. When I remember to keep it simple, I am never sorry. People have short attention spans that grow shorter every day, they are accustomed to quick changes of pace and lots of pretty graphics and shallow information... we've all been groomed of late to be ADHD, it seems. So keeping information simple just makes sense.

But honestly, I always thought that keeping it simple just made sense. Why do more than necessary? Why confuse people when you needn't? Although I've been out of the field of education until recently, now I find myself on the fringes of that whole strange world of imparting knowledge—and I am so disappointed in the way it has plummeted since I left.

In the hoity-toity districts north of our fair city, now there is often no lower option that pre-algebra in 7th grade. Huh?! Are all the 7th graders of the area ready for pre-algebra in 7th grade? I think not. Was I? Doubtful, although I must have been introduced to the concepts at that age all those years ago because I was, indeed, taking algebra in 8th grade. Which led to my near-demise in 9th grade geometry...but that's another story. Seriously, though, it's not just the higher maths that are being pushed. I have recently assisted at least five 9th and 10th graders in nearby school districts, all of them average students, all of them saddled with full-tilt research papers that include rubrics and point breakdowns and lists of requirements that I honestly feel are more appropriate for honors English juniors and seniors, if that.

People. Our public education systems stink. We are falling behind every other modern country I can think of. Yet we insist on pushing our students harder, faster, sooner than before. It's not working. Just because you call every student gifted will not make it so. Even worse, this push for higher-level thinking at an earlier age has resulted in the near-abandonment of the basics. Apparently, the basics are just not flashy enough for us to press upon many students. Times tables? Pshaw. Just use your calculator. Subject-verb agreement? That's why we have Microsoft Word, isn't it?! And spelling... don't even get me started.

I feel sick when I attempt to help a student with the basics and see how that student has slipped through the cracks. I am equally sick as I walk a kid who doesn't know a run-on sentence when it slaps him to maneuver his awkward, fumbling way through a research paper full of citations and defenses. Where is the KISS method these days? Why are we teaching advanced MLA research methods to 9th graders who are barely passing their classes? Why must the entire world be groomed for college? What is wrong with trades, with labor, with jobs that will NEVER require any serious knowledge of algebraic substitutions and pi and a works cited page and gerunds?

We are all getting so damned clever that no one knows how to tie his shoes, let alone read a clock with a face, and it's making me want to retreat to a homestead in Alaska.

When I taught English, so long ago, I was encouraged by my district to attend the annual Pennsylvania state writing assessment scoring seminars. I forget the actual title of those assemblies, but they were filled with local PA English teachers who had volunteered to come assess real writing samples of students. We were all gathered together, then taught a 6-point scoring rubric, and lastly we graded papers. And we graded more papers. Then, we graded some papers. But my point is this: the vast majority of the time, we all agreed within one point on the appropriate score for a given writing sample. We'd been taught how to do it, we applied the knowledge, and we all could identify "good" writing. We knew when the piece was effective, when it had succeeded. We did not require fancy grading systems or long, drawn-out explanations of what we should identify as high quality. We came to recognize it very quickly, all of us. There was by and large agreement. We knew with very little training when the writing worked and when it didn't.

So, why all the complications now? Why the complexities? Most of the students I see would benefit greatly from a huge helping of common sense in their teachers. Most of these kids today need to know how to figure out the most basic mathematical problem, percentages, division problems. They need to be able to express themselves on paper, clearly and concisely. They need to learn clarity and the value of a well-turned, grammatically correct phrase. They would benefit greatly from more practice making a simple point, an opinion even, with accuracy and skill. They would be better for having learned to crack a book instead of searching endlessly through feeble online resources. Few will ever require the ridiculous level of detail and pomp that is already being asked of them in their first year of high school.

For goodness sake, what is wrong with people? I want America to be smart and educated, too—but mostly I want the kids today to be able to hold a conversation without a *!?#@ cell phone in their hands. It would be a bonus if their end of the conversation made sense and consisted of lucid thoughts expressed in complete sentences.

I'm not down on the kids, honestly. I think we've steered them wrong by pushing them to do too much, too soon. Let's start with tying shoes, then move onto clocks that are round, and after that we'll divvy up pieces of pizza and talk about fractions. We must, we simply must, give these children of ours a real foundation for learning—the type of learning that will enable logical problem-solving when they grow up.

Because then, you see, they'll have to figure out a way to pay that fool Obama's bill.

Almost writing about politics

So, I am a tad out of touch with the big world beyond our walls, and I had no idea that our President was delivering his final State of the Union last evening—until I turned on the TV and managed to catch the last 15 minutes or so. It was about what I’d expected in both topic and tone, and luckily George W. has the sense to keep it short (unlike some of our former, more verbose leaders). The most annoying thing to me, aside from the ridiculous up-and-down clapping performances that have always seemed so cloying and phony, was the fact that Nancy Pelosi was apparently reading something the entire time George was speaking. Not only was she rude enough to read as he delivered this important speech, she wasn’t even subtle about it; she made no effort to hide her boredom.

Now, if I’ve learned anything over the years, it’s that one’s professional demeanor reveals quite a lot about one’s personal behaviors. Her behavior, in very broad view on national (and international) television, tells me a lot about ol’ Nancy, and none of it’s good. I’m slightly embarrassed on behalf of the American people for placing a disrespectful person in a position of such authority—a very visible and vocal position, to boot, and one from which she platforms way more than I’d like.

I hear so many people bemoaning the state of our youth, how they’re rude, how they’re quick to spout their feelings without restraint, how they don’t consider the feelings of others, how they never ponder the future consequences of their actions. Why should they? I’m afraid Nancy is not alone; there are countless adults behaving in ways that they’d never teach their children, not just at work but in their own families and circles of friends. In many cases, young people today are simply modeling what they've been shown.

And sadly, if I step back and recall with truth and honesty, there are plenty of times when I’ve been a bit Nancy myself. I’m not proud of those times. I need to constantly remind myself about that plank in my eye before I go picking at the speck in someone else’s. And I need to remember, too, that any change I desire begins not with my changing someone else, but by my changing myself. A friend of mine reminded me about a great verse (thanks, Cari!) and I think I will write it here to further imprint it on my memory:

Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.
Philippians 4:8

Keeping that in mind, I will now put Nancy and her undesirable behavior behind me. She deserves no more of my attention, aside from examining myself in light of my reaction to her—so as to ensure that I don’t behave in a similar fashion.

Sometimes we forget that what we’re putting into our minds and hearts is what comes out; what we’re entertaining in there, mulling over, spending time on, eventually consumes and becomes us. And looking at the world around me, I want to be pretty careful about what I’m letting in and what I'm dwelling on—for my own sake, and for the sake of anyone who may be watching me.

(Since this blog is really just an extension of my mind, I’ll be sincerely trying to keep it true, noble, right, pure, etc., for the very reason quoted above—those are the sorts of things I should be thinking about.)