I need to get some things off my chest:
Why doesn't the snow melt?
I am so sick of being cold all the time.
My skin is flaking like a snake's because of the heat overload.
I need about ten of those lamps that imitate sunlight, and then I need to strap them to myself and chant a sunny mantra.
I can't handle winter clothes anymore. They itch. They constrict. The only good thing about them is the fact that they hide my pasty, plump flesh. And that isn't good, either, because then I stuff my face and get more plump, all of which will be revealed on the first warm day.
Everything takes so stinkin' long in winter: getting dressed, finding and donning proper footgear, getting the car prepped, driving somewhere in slush/snow/ice, walking from the car to the destination without slipping and becoming a winter-broken-bone statistic.
I hate socks. Detest them. Yet need them.
I feel like a caged animal in this house. And even when I'm out? I'm running to another cage, from my temporary cage (car).
Can't. Take. Much. More.
The sun is shining, and has been shining for several hours. And the bathroom is finally clean.
My little boy will be home from kindergarten soon.
If you had told me 15 or 20 years ago that I'd be a mom, I would have laughed in your face. I spent the first half of my life or more telling everyone I'd never had kids. I meant it. I had no interest, no burning yearning to be a mom, no thoughts of holding a small bundle of my own.
If you'd told me that at this point, I'd consider motherhood* to be the best experience I've had yet, I would have snickered and pressed my lips together in utter doubt. How ridiculous.
But it's true. I am delighted by my son. He is such a neat little person. I still can't believe what a gift he is. He's witty, and silly, and loves to play. He likes to learn new things, too, and we can sit and talk about things now and he gets it. It's awesome. But best of all? So far, he's turning out to be a kind, thoughtful kid.
I know it might not always look like this. I know people whose kids turned into strangers in teen years, or who suddenly grew up into completely miserable human beings. There's the occasional sad story of good kids turned bad who end up in jail, or worse.
But I have today. I have this moment. I have this child whom I adore, who enriches me daily, who has shown me how vulnerable I really am and how it's possible to love someone so much it pains you.
* Motherhood only—not pregnancy (stunk), not labor (stunk more). Just motherhood.