Wednesday, May 7, 2008

Just wrong

Here’s a quick list of things that are just wrong as far as I’m concerned. Wrong with me? With the universe? With humanity? You decide. And if I missed a biggie, feel free to set me straight with a comment.

• Drivers who are seemingly unable to park between the lines. There’s no excuse, short of life-threatening emergencies that demand an abandoned vehicle. I dream of my next career as a parking authority who brandishes tickets sporting huge fees; I’d slap one on so many cars, trucks, and SUVs that your head would spin.

• Going to bed with cold feet because even thought it’s warm enough during daytime to paint your toenails and welcome spring, the nights are still so cold that sleeping merits socks…which you cannot wear because you’ll mess up the toenail polish. (I know, I know, I just lost any male readers I had.)

• Fat free cake. What the…? Why bother? One of my friends calls decaf coffee “why-bother coffee.” I’m tempted to borrow the phrase for any dessert that touts itself as a healthy alternative. Short of adding some oatmeal or nuts, all attempts to healthify dessert items should be halted.

• Going to purchase a wedding registry item and finding that your non-cooking, kitchen-dummy, restaurant-loving friend has registered for various expensive cookware and/or overpriced dishes for “formal meals.” Huh? Why? This is just absurd.

These are the wrongs on the top of my mind. I’ll stop here.

Oddly enough, I posted this to the background music of a special on Aretha Franklin (PBS, of course—why watch cable when I have WQED?) Ah, Aretha. In a world of things gone wrong, she is STILL so right. How anyone can hear that woman sing and not recognize a gift from God is beyond my comprehension.

As you were.


Anonymous said...

As I've been driving a lot these past months, my wrongs include:
(1) Not using turn signals. (I should read your mind?)
(2) $3.57 and climbing for a gallon of gas
(3) Incessant and unrelenting Parkway East construction
(4) Inability of Subaru engineers in 2004 to design cupholders that actually keep a cup, water bottle, or can from tipping over

Whew, that felt good.

Mel said...

re: numbers 1 and 2, YOU SAID IT, SISTER.

(re: 3 and 4, I'm not typically on 376--and I have a Saturn.)

Anonymous said...

Hey...I made it into your Melmoirs! Feel free to use the "why bother" phrase for whatever you want!