Wednesday, January 13, 2010

"Ma" is short for martyr


I'm talking here about the generalized definition of martyr, the "constant sufferer" definition. And the Ma in reference is poor Ma Ingalls, wife of Pa Ingalls, mother of Laura Ingalls Wilder, the woman who so famously penned her memoirs in the Little House series of books.

When I read these books years ago, I was amazed at how different Laura's life was from my own, and also amazed at how similar we were. There she was, living out of covered wagons and spending her days quilting, seeing very few other people, traveling to so many different homes in so few years. And yet, we both had pigtails, we both had sisters, we both loved to go barefoot and wade in creeks, we both got tired of being well-behaved. It was uncanny how our experiences could be so dissimilar and so parallel at the same time. I loved those books.

For years, I carried a happy, glossy memory of the entire series, the characters described therein, and the exciting events each title regaled.

Now, I'm re-reading the books aloud with my son. We'll see whether we finish the series; he may become bored near the end, as the main characters (girls) grow older and more of the story is about social interaction instead of howling wolves and screaming panthers. So far, he's liking them, even though there is much he doesn't understand yet. I explain some of the finer details, and other times we just keep reading; he gets the gist of the story, enough to maintain continuity and make sense of what's happening. I'm enjoying it as much as he is. Sort of.

What I don't recall from my first, childhood reading is the sadness and anger—mostly anger—that I'm feeling for Ma's sake this time around. When I was a kid, packing everything and moving across the country, stretch by stretch, seemed fun and enticing. Pa's enthusiasm and exuberance won me over time and again, as he described the great opportunities that always lay just out of reach, a few months into the future, a few miles down the road. Every day in the Ingalls home must have been an adventure, I'd think. People sang and played and never got hung up on material things the way they do now. It seemed romantic and dreamy, moving and building new homes and furniture and getting new work animals and finding out about new environs. Never a dull moment.

Now, I read the stories and I am Ma. I am the woman who is trying to care for three little girls, the youngest a toddler, without a washing machine or a microwave. I am the poor wife who must sew the family's clothes, the maidservant who is expected to cook meals and wash dishes with only an open fire and some water in a washtub, I am the unrecognized head of the household who must hold it together when Indians walk into my home uninvited, the adult who must stay calm when Pa's been gone five days instead of the expected four and the war whoops are thick and fierce in the wind outside. I am the one who must drive the horses through a flooded creek, who must help to build a house because no one's found any neighbors yet, who must put out chimney fires because Pa's away.

And I, Ma, am getting rather pissed.

Because now, instead of Pa's musical charms and frontiersman spirit and boundless hope, I hear only the emptiness of his promises: next season the crops'll be huge, any day now the government will grant the settlers permission to be where they already are, those Indians are no threat at all. Yes, he provides for his family. Yes, he works his tail off. Yes, he loves Ma and his girls and appreciates them and delights in them and does all he can do for them. Sort of.

But I am Ma. And I just want to be in my home, in a familiar place, with a few friends nearby, and some family within reasonable calling distance. I want help around the house, not adventure. I don't even have a mailbox nearby, let alone a cell phone. I am alone, isolated, overworked, and I'm really getting angry at being dragged across the vast plains, leaving days and weeks of hard work and roots put down, all to satisfy some stupid man's wanderlust. I'm a frontier wife. I don't have a choice. And that, my dear reader, really is not right.

I hope my annoyance doesn't show when I read those parts out loud to my boy. But I'll bet it does. I never was much of a poker face.

13 comments:

Anonymous said...

Yes but then later Ma is mean and makes Laura give all her Indian beads to Carrie, which was super lame. And then later makes her give her beloved doll to some brat who leaves it out in the frozen puddle. How could Ma be so mean...

you need to read Old Town in the Green Grove (?not sure) and its the missing years before Mary went blind. Ma has to do even more. And they lose a baby. How can people get over this stuff? we're all wimps now.

Anonymous said...

and you need to read the Betsy-Tacey books. I'm pushing these on you. They are the same with following a family of girls but its a small town at the turn of the last century. Betsy wrote the books as an adult based on her childhood memories. times arent as tough. I love them.

chris h. said...

Oh, so much to comment on here. Thanks for the perspective, Mel...I am always Laura as I read these and not Ma, so have never considered her side (and what a dark side it is). And, an enthusiastic YES to the Betsy-Tacey books -- loved, loved, loved them. Although I remember not one detail about them now. But you've just sent me down a path of thinking about all my beloved childhood books and authors. (Beverly Cleary, Lois Lenski, Rosamond du Jardin, the Meet the Malones series, My Side of the Mountain...) Forgive me, I'm tripping...

Anonymous said...

I'm so glad to see someone else loves the Betsy Tacy books. They are so fun to me b/c she lives through the first car coming to her little town, to the first phone, etc. All that fun stuff.

Athelas63 said...

I had the same experience a few years ago with the movie The Graduate. The first time I saw it, I was Benjamin and Elaine - young, adventurous, starting out in life and disgusted with the falsity of the elders. When I watched it again just a few years ago, I was Mrs. Robinson and Benjamin's parents. Older, wiser, sick of whiny kids without jobs bitching about how unfair life was. Funny how things change...

Anonymous said...

Oh yeah. And to Mel specifically, have you considered making a graphic novel? Graphic novels have definitely gained in popularity in the publishing world. With your skills at writing and painting, a graphic novel could be a good fit for you. For Christmas, I received a graphic novel (of sorts) called "The Principles of Uncertainty" by the artist Maira Kalman. She wrote and illustrated it. I'm only half-way through it but I'm enjoying it thoroughly. I'll show it to you the next time I see you.

- Shell

Anonymous said...

Uh...duh. My previous comment here about graphic novels was clearly supposed to be attached to your previous post about publishing a book. Sorry for the mixup. You can move my comment to the correct post if you want.

- Shell

Mel said...

Shell, The Principles... sounds intriguing! I'd love to see it! I had never even considered a graphic novel. I especially want to see yours b/c when I think graphic novel, I think action! excitement! bam! pow! like spiderman or a re-do of a classic Dickens novel or something. could I make my story action-packed? or is a graphic novel much more than that these days?! interesting thought. I'll check it out. and practice my sketching in down time (cough, cough). thanks for the good idea!

chris h. said...

Just another thought along the graphic novel idea -- I used to love the books I read as a child that actually had some some illustrations in them... Yes, like Dickens and Robinson Crusoe and Little Women and the like -- they were always high quality and often on "special" smooth paper and I used to look at them first!

Mel said...

I remember those, Chris! Weren't the glossy pictures called "plates" or something? and first anon, I remember Ma doing those "mean" things too, and they seemed harsh. I do think, though, that the people of those days were working on a totally different "if they like it, give it to them" mentality. and Laura got her doll back eventually, repaired of course. the beads didn't make much sense but I figured Mary started it with her trying to win Ma's approval and then once something is offered it would probably be weird in those days to say, No, that's not necessary--maybe it would demean the initial act of giving it away??? Who knows. I would definitely read the Betsy Tacey books. And I'll avoid the movie The Graduate--I suspect I'll have the same reaction this time around.

Athelas63 said...

Some of the most popular movies in the last few years have come from graphic novels - From Hell, 30 Days of Night, Sin City, 300, V for Vendetta, A History of Violence, Watchmen, Road to Perdition and Constantine for example. Believe me, if I could draw, I'd make my trashy stories into graphic novels!

Anonymous said...

Missy I have a lot of graphic novels you can look at. Some are action. I also saw a book at the bookstore (awhile ago) and it was about a guy who's wife had ended up in a wheelchair but it was a graphic novel, no action. This is a great idea for you!!

Anonymous said...

Hey Mel. One last followup...not all graphic novels are action-packed, although many are. I'm sure most people think of action ones when you say "graphic novel." The book I mentioned (Principles of Uncertainty) is unusual and maybe not a "true" graphic novel. The plot is very loose. It's more personal reflections by the author. That's another reason I thought you might like it; since you've said you like to write about personal reflections. I'm almost done reading it (will likely finish it tonight) so I'll let you borrow it and you can see what you think.

- Shell